Primary Ticket: Smells like ass

Maybe it’s just Mr. Ass Juice Santorum stinking up the joint, but I’m really getting tired of the whole caucus/primary-thingy season. And we’re only through two! How will I make it to at least No. 5 (that’s Nevada)! Last night I found myself just yelling at the TV numbly, “Oh, can’t we just pick Romney already and get it over with?!” He did win New Hampshire, after all. And just ask former presidents Pat Buchanan and John Kerry how critical the New Hampshire primary was for their wins… But I admit, it is funny that Obama got some votes in the New Hampshire primary.

So, there’s that.

Now it’s time for a week and a half of banal trivia about South Carolina and the capricious whims of their voters. It was the 8th state! And the dance “the shag” was invented there! Neat!

At this point all I’m really wondering is why Newt Gingrich has gone all flaccid (I remember a much meaner, nastier, low-down Newt from the Clinton era), especially regarding Mitt Romney. And don’t think that just because Santorum has received the, well, juiciest, attacks of the season (so far), there’s plenty gunning for ol’ Mittsy — like this gem that he told an unmarried woman she would be barred from heaven if she kept her baby. That’s keeping it classy. So I guess that answers the question: What Would Joseph Smith Do?

Sigh.

Meanwhile, Iowa darling Mr. Ass Juice Santorum didn’t do so well in the “Live free or die” state. (Somebody should tell them that their flannels-and-khakis sartorial world view is clashing with their state’s kick-ass motto.) Poor old Rick didn’t even clear 10% of the vote, which must be tough to swallow compared to Mittsy’s nearly 40% take. Plus, he came in fifth, after Newt. That’s gotta hurt. But not everyone’s laughing. The HRC has started chatter of a Santorum veep nomination by way of an email to its supporters.

Perhaps I’m terrified beyond the capacity for ration thought (10 points if you know what that line’s from), but right now I’m just really sleepy. Somehow, the more everyone else tells me how really, really important and exciting all this is… the more I want to take a nap.

Wake me when something of substance finally happens.

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