So, admitted drug addict and destroyer of “traditional” marriage Rush Limbaugh shouted “Slut!” into his microphone this week and the country has turned on a dime. (Cue: Sound of record scratch.) Well, well, well lookey what we have here, folks. We’ve got ourselves a good old-fashioned slut-shaming!

Honestly, I feel a little disappointed in Rush. I mean, slut? That’s the best you got? I went to the University of Oregon, which uses a duck as its mascot. Since probably the first sporting event after that mascot was chosen opponents have been yelling, “Fuck the Ducks!” at games. So that’s about how original I think Rush’s slut-shaming of Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke is. Oh really, Rush, a man who is childless after four — count ’em four — marriages thinks that an intelligent woman making an argument for equal health coverage to a man and affordable contraceptives is a slut? That must be some awesome contraception you’re using, Rush. I mean, married four times and no kids? That’s a lot of sex, Rush! And since you don’t have kids, I can only assume that you or your many wives over the years have been using some kind of birth control. (I’ll side step the obvious joke here.) I mean, maybe you should put out a sex tape to pay for all that sex you’re having, like you encouraged Fluke to do!

I really don’t want to stoop to Rush’s maddening level. I really want to keep this post classy… Oh fuck it! You know what, Rush? You and your cadre of imbeciles don’t deserve it! You are such a flaming asshole and you are what is wrong with America! Even the President of the United States took time out of his busy schedule to call Fluke after this…this farce.

There is so much wrong with this scenario, I barely know where to begin. I need a list:

1. Slut-shaming is a feeble and fatuous play here.Woman make sex. Woman baaad. She slut! (Cue: Chest pounding.) This gambit is as old as the hills. Stop it. You’re embarrassing yourself.
2. Did you really just tell a law school student to make a sex tape to pay for her health care? (How many college degrees do you have again, Rush? Oh yeah. That’s right. NONE!) So, your answer to a lack of access to affordable health care for women is to tell them to put out a sex tape to pay for it. This is not just patently offensive, it flies in the face of Rush’s own “values.” I mean, this man called Britney Spears and Paris Hilton “twats” for being, well, slutty. So, which is it, Rush? When is it okay for a woman to be sexual? Is sex for health care the slut exemption?
3. The sheer volume of stories celebrating Rush’s comments that I’m finding via internet searches (no, I will not link to any) is some harsh reality about how real this War on Women is. They are coming for us. The wolves are at the door. Right. Now.
4. It’s no coincidence that Rush came out with his offensive attacks on Fluke the same week that the Blunt Amendment was narrowly defeated in the Senate. Attached to a highway funding bill (way to keep money moving in this down economy Sen. Roy Blunt), the amendment, which would have broadened religious exemptions to women’s health care coverage, in particular regarding contraceptives, was defeated with a 51-48 vote. I suppose we could celebrate that the amendment failed. But I’m seeing this glass as half empty. How did this amendment get traction? And why did three Democrats vote with the Republicans on this one? (Thank you, Sen. Harry Reid, for voting for women’s health care! Find your senator and see how s/he voted here!)
5. Clearly, we have miles to go before we sleep. Women are in the cross-hairs of this election cycle. I know Rush wants everyone to believe that Obama is ginning up controversy to help his polling numbers with women. Give me a break! As if Rick Santorum, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich and the entire Republican field aren’t out there talking about stripping women’s rights and locking up uteruses (uteri?) across the land every chance they get!

People, this is it. If you’ve been waiting for the time when you really, really need to get involved because things are going to go off the rails if you don’t — this is it! I know a lot of prochoice bloggers like to throw out The Handmaid’s Tale as hyperbolic rhetoric. But from where I’m sitting, we’re just seconds from the buzzer on this one.

The remaining Republican presidential candidates don’t want women to have access to any health care related to their gender. (I’m assuming access to health care for gender-neutral issues like strep throat are okay.) Forget the abortion lynch-pin, these rich, white, guys don’t want women to have access to ANYTHING related to their sex organs. They don’t want you talking to your doctor. They don’t want your doctor talking to you. They don’t want you to be able to pay for health care. They don’t want organizations dedicated to providing low-cost health care to provide you with health care. They don’t want you to have sex — even if you’re in a “traditional” marriage. They don’t want anyone educating you about sex or your body.

No. What they want is for you to shut up and squeeze an aspirin between your legs. And if you don’t — they’ll call you a whore on the national stage.

Well, Rush, you’ve got one angry “slut” on your hands now: Me. I’m a woman. I’m prochoice. And I vote!

UPDATE: Eight sponsors have dropped Rush and the talk show host has issued a (less than sincere) apology.