Child-free by choice

Having babies — touchy subject, to be sure. And I don’t think there are any easy answers. What I would like is if, as a society, we all stopped hating on each other when it comes to reproduction. Having children. Not having children. Being physically unable to have children but desperately wanting them. There are heartbreaks and blessings within it all.

As women, I wish we could collectively see that we are so much more than our reproductive capacity. I am not simply a baby incubator. And at the same time, I am not denying that my body has that capacity. But there is so much wrapped up in our culture that says the only way a woman is a complete woman is if she has a child, by birth, by biology. It’s an amazing thing to have a child, but it’s not all women are meant to be. It’s a wonderous, beautiful thing that happens to many women, but not all. Does that make those who can’t have children less as women? Does it mean that if, in your heart, you don’t wish to have a child, you are less of a woman (or less of a human being)? And what about all those women who wish they had a choice in the matter, but their circumstances provided none?

Women, we are not each other’s enemies. Marriage. Motherhood. Working outside the home. Staying at home. Doing it on your own. Doing it with another woman. There are so many ways to be and our world is such a hostile place to women, let’s not beat each other up any more.

If your best friend is a mother and you are not, just love each other. If your best friend is a man and he is his childrens’ mother, then love him for being a father and a mother. If your best friend never wants to have babies and you want the Partridge Family, just love her. Support your friends when they are being true to themselves. Nobody is a good parent when they feel forced into it. And support your friends when they have no choices, because life has made the choices for them.

All that said, I wanted to tell all of you that I support motherhood and I support being child-free by choice. I support the stay-at-home moms and the working moms. There are hard choices out there. We gotta stick together.

2 thoughts on “Child-free by choice

  1. i seriously needed to read that. i guess the last line sort of hit it home for me even if the issue i’m dealing with has absolutely nothing to do with having babies. thank you.

  2. I’m so glad that this has helped you in some way. Sometimes you just gotta say stuff out loud (or write it) for it to make sense.

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