The black Santa controversy fills me with rage-ahol*

*Rage-ahol: Rage that is so potent, it is like alcohol in your veins.

I was not going to write about the black Santa thing. It’s stupid. It’s a trumped-up controversy that is the TV version of click-bait. I mean, do we really care what Megyn Kelly thinks about “historical figures” like Santa and Jesus? Well … apparently a hell of a lot of people do.

If angels get wings when a bell rings, does that mean that they get ripped off every time someone like Kelly spouts ignorant, racist, bullshit? It must be a bloodletting in heaven right now.

Let me explain. No. There’s too much. Let me sum up:

Fox News host Megyn Kelly has made herself the center of a racial controversy by declaring that Jesus Christ and Santa Claus are white.

On Wednesday night, Kelly was responding to an article by Slate writer Aisha Harris, who wrote an article entitled “ Santa Claus Should Not Be a White Man Anymore .”

Of course, a number of critics were quick to point out that Santa Claus is a fictional character. And while he was based on St. Nicholas, a white man, his exact description is largely left up to individual interpretation.

However, after a guest on Kelly’s show defended the Slate article, Kelly extended her argument to further claim that the historical figure Jesus Christ was in fact Caucasian:

“Just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesn’t mean it has to change. You know, I mean, Jesus was a white man, too,” Kelly said. “He was a historical figure; that’s a verifiable fact — as is Santa, I want you kids watching to know that — but my point is: How do you revise it, in the middle of the legacy of the story, and change Santa from white to black?”

Then the Fox News-ertainer went back on the air two days later and told everyone to just chill and learn how to take a joke. But, oh, the facty-facts scream a different story:

Megyn Kelly is insisting that critics who took her to task for insisting that Santa Claus is a white man were motivated by a “knee-jerk instinct” to “race bait,” a hollow claim given Kelly’s own history of using race to stoke fears of minorities. …

Kelly’s claim that her critics were motivated by a desire to use racially provocative language to trigger an emotional reaction is not just self-serving, it also underscores Kelly’s own history of using race to stoke fears of minorities.

In 2010, Kelly was one of the loudest voices at Fox News pushing its aggressive campaign to exploit racial tensions over a voter intimidation case in Philadelphia.

During a two-week stretch in July of that year, Kelly’s daytime show devoted a staggering 45 segments and 3.5 hours to hyping politically motivated and completely discredited allegations that President Obama and Eric Holder were manipulating the Justice Department in order to protect the New Black Panther Party from prosecution over charges that it intimidated white voters during the 2008 election. Kelly’s over-the-top race baiting led Gawker to ask whether she was “obsessed” with the New Black Panthers.

I can’t believe I’m about to say this: Kanye was right. Except the fact is that it’s not just that a president (in that case, Bush) doesn’t care about black people. It’s bigger than that. America hates black people. Just look at how the feminist interwebs are still trying to decide if Beyoncé is one of us or not. Give me a break, already. I am so sick of this. You’d think that at least for a moment during the holidays I’d get even a brief respite from writing about fucking white privilege and racist shit-spreaders like Megyn Kelly.

But no. And it gets worse. Last week, a New Mexico teacher chastised a black student for dressing up as Santa. Because RACISM!

Ninth-grader Christopher Rougier of Rio Rancho, N.M did what all of Cleveland High School students did last week: dressed up in a Christmas costume. The students could choose to be a reindeer, elf, or Santa. (No dreidel or kinara costumes allowed? So much for the War on Christmas). But Christopher made a mistake. He actually thought he could pull off a Santa costume. But everyone knows his white teacher would like to believe that Santa is white. And he made sure Christopher knew that, saying,

“Don’t you know Santa Claus is white? Why are you wearing that?”

Did the same teacher chastise his students for being too big to be realistic elves? Of course not. But he did single out this student for having the wrong skin color.

According to his father, Michael, “Christopher was embarrassed; he was ashamed, like he had made a mistake.” At first the school was less than responsive to Michael, who says the principal actually hung up on him. But eventually Christopher was switched into another class, per his parents’ request, and the teacher has been placed on paid administrative leave. The school released a statement, however, that reveals neither the teacher nor the institution realizes the significance of the incident.

Fuck it. The hits just keep coming. Nothing is sacred — and by that I mean letting everyone just enjoy the holidays (all the holidays) in a peaceful way without judging and laying racist shit on each other. Grown adults don’t even care that they are hurting kids. Isn’t this supposed to be a kid’s holiday? I mean, fuck you, too, buddy.

I’m going to go pour some rum in my nog and go search for a nativity that has all black people (because I’m not raising my kid to be a racist fuck). And then I’m going to look for one of those giant, inflatable yard decorations of Santa — black Santa. My front yard is a three-by-three foot square but I will put that black Santa in front of my house and my neighbors — who are all people of color, by the way, because black people live in the suburbs, too, you racist fucks –will pro ably all ask me where I got it. And I will tell them so they can buy one, too. Hell, maybe I’ll just buy them all one for Christmas. Ho-fucking-ho you racist motherfuckers.

And every time I put it out, I will think of Megyn Kelly. And maybe, just maybe, an angel will get its wings back.

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2 thoughts on “The black Santa controversy fills me with rage-ahol*

  1. Ha! And do we think the teen in Texas who was given 10 years probation for killing 4 people in a drunk driving incident would have been let off if he’d had brown skin? Even if he’d had brown skin AND money? No. No, we do not. And it pisses us off.

  2. Hi EB,

    I was hoping you would have used “Santa will always be the color of Parents and Love” 🙂 LOL thanks for all your great writing and insight.

    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to your family 🙂

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