Wow! You really like bitterness. (For some reason this surprises me.)
So I thought we could have another go at a Bitter Log today:
8 a.m.: Got four hours of sleep but have to get up because it’s another busy day. Curse “Morning People” who rule the world. Lack of Sleep Bitterness.
8:30 a.m.: Check e-mails. Find out friend’s birthday party is at 2 p.m. Saturday. Love friend, but the party timing is most inconvenient. Must re-organize priorities for today and tomorrow to accommodate birthday festivities. Lack of Control Over the Universe Bitterness.
8:35 a.m.: See that some of my friend Josh’s work through the City of Portland and County of Multnomah is endangered through potential budget cuts. Why is it always the kids who suffer? Bitterness that I cannot arrange the universe to my liking.
9 a.m.: Read news, turn on TV news in background. All of it is too depressing and making me very cranky. Curse Gov. Jim Gibbons. Curse Congressional Republicans. Curse GW Bush for leaving it to Obama to pass a spending bill. Curse GW Bush for our crappy economy and resulting pain felt across the land. Bitterness that I have no ability to change any of this. Turn off TV. Step away from news altogether for a while. Bitter that I cannot enjoy newspapers, et al as I once did because the news is all too depressing.
10:15 a.m.: Already running late. Haven’t eaten breakfast yet and must leave. Curse Daylight Savings/Clock Changes and lack of control over the function of time. Shovel uninteresting but quick food in mouth and dash out the door in 10 minutes. Time Management Bitterness. No Personal Chef Bitterness.
10:50 a.m.: Arrive at doctor’s office. (I go to entirely too many doctors at far too frequent a rate, Inferior Genetics Bitterness and Failure of Western Medicine Bitterness.)
11:25 a.m.: Appointment was at 11 a.m. and am now getting escorted back to exam room. Curse the lack of time management skills of others (even worse than my own!). At least I was on time for my appointment! Bitterness!
11: 45 a.m.: Doctor has cold hands. People Touching Me with Cold Hands Bitterness. But everything is okay. Bitterness that I had to waste a good portion of my morning and $20 co-pay to find this out.
12:15 p.m.: Notice slight dizziness from hunger. Curse requirement to continually stop and pay attention to bodily functions. Could be far more productive if I never had to eat/drink/relieve self/etc. Bodily Functions Bitterness.
12:25 p.m.: Douchebag almost hits me. It was my green light, buddy. Curse the bad driving habits of others. Traffic Bitterness.
12:45 p.m.: Get a free corndog (with coupon). No bitterness.
1 p.m. – 2:30 p.m.: Drive around town doing miscellaneous errands. Bitterness that I do not have the power of flight or teleportation. Bitterness that I do not have infinite money. Bitterness that at the very least I do not have a free assistant/intern to do my bidding for me.
2:30 p.m: Must eat again, strength from corndog was fleeting. Curse inferiority of free corndog and weak will in accepting it. Get a turkey sandwich on organic wheat bread, etc. Curse self for capricious nature of “good eating habits” and how they resemble douchebaggy hippies when I do. Bitterness that food is political.
3 p.m.: Get dizzy again after eating. Decide 4 hours of sleep is insufficient to power me through more errands. Bitterness that my body is aging a little more every day, not self-healing and inconveniently fails from time to time.
3:30 p.m.: Get home and realize I only have about an hour until 5K training. Curse errands. Curse lack of a personal assistant or super-powers. Curse need to ever leave the house when there is writing to be done. Bitterness that time is fleeting.
4 p.m.: Check hits on my blog and realize the Bitter Log is twice as popular as my post with a little excerpt from my book. Ego sorely bruised. Curse fickle nature of blogosphere. Curse that my readers don’t like to leave comments, even about their own bitter logs. Curse myself for not better understanding what exactly my readers want. Decide to channel frustration into another Bitter Log.
4:30 p.m.: Feeling much better, thanks. Time to get ready for 5K training. Bitterness that I have asthma. Bitterness at high pollen counts and allergies. Bitterness at my lack of athletic and physical prowess.
4:45 p.m.: Waiting for training buddy, I re-read this post and realize I forgot to change my blog clock for Daylight Savings. DST/ST Bitterness!
Yay…bitter is back! I leave comments…and believe me I have a bitter log just waiting to get out but we can tag team. Next bitter log is mine…tag I’m it! Memory of always being chosen last for teams bitterness.
I’m bitter that my recent diet and workout regimen changes my body so that all my pants fit (or are too loose) in the waist, but too goddamn tight in the thighs and the ass. Look, not everybody is a 140-pound twink rentboy who can wear women’s Jordache jeans. Some us have big asses made bigger by squats and we’d like to wear goddamn pants to work that don’t cinch tight on our bulbous manparts.