This post is brought to you by my best friend Joshua Todd:
Among many suggestions — like praying for your husband because he must live with the burden of always having the final say in your relationship and making yourself available at ALL times to satisfy his sexual desires — Ms., oh wait pardon me I am sure Ms. is a moniker of the devil up there with 666, Mrs. Peace suggests that all you married ladies keep a private bitter log to record all the dirty, evil, bitter thoughts you hold in your heart so you can make a more robust contrition.
I LOVE this idea. A bitter log, perfect, exactly what I need to keep me on the STRAIGHT and narrow. But really, why would Jesus invent the internet if he didn’t mean for us to share our bitterness, so privacy be damned. Please add to it…but here are my bitter thoughts for the day. Maybe it will become like Twitter.com except you know Bitter.com. Here are by bits…
1. Wake up, realize my Achilles tendon still hurts and I am not superhuman. Curse self, curse god, stretch foot. Log first bitterness of the day.
2. Attend the Governor’s Occupational Safety and Health conference where a young woman I work with presents on youth rights and empowerment. Bitter that the conference didn’t supply free coffee and that the only coffee at the Convention Center to purchase is Starbucks.
3. Read article “The purpose-driven wife” about Martha Peace. Bitter that this woman gets 2 pages in Mother Jones basically trying to push half of the world’s population back to the Salem witch trials and I work everday to teach young people about civic involvement and social justice and can’t even get an Oregonian reporter to return my phone calls.
4. Eat lunch at the BrunchBox food cart. Veggie reuben with grilled onions…actually no bitterness there, just pure deliciousness.
5. Try to make green tea but diffuser wont fit into my thermos. Ultimate bitter…don’t f**k with my caffeine!!
6. AIG needs another 40 billion dollars and will probably still fail. State of Oregon thinks its deficit will reach 5 billion and we wont be getting another bailout anytime soon.
7. Start preparing to pick up my daughter from childcare and flash back to Mizuss Peace. Bitter that my daughter might grow up to believe some lunatic fringe that wants to silence her incredible voice, stiffle her creativity, and make her a shadow citizen. SUPER BITTER that all this is being done in the name of a guy who 2 thousand years ago turned to a woman with no power and no standing and forced those around him to respect, value and nurture not only her value but the value of all people on the planet.
8. God chose to make me gay which takes away my God-given right to control a woman. Who is supposed to help me handle the burden of being a man and having to have the final say in all my family’s dealings if my partner is a man? Bitter…cursing God. Wait that is how I started the day. What a clean circle.
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And because I couldn’t let Josh have all the fun, I decided to create a Bitter Log, or B-Log, of my own (which I originally did through my facebook account):
1. Woke up and realized that my head was full of mucus, the gift of year-round allergies compounded by seasonal allergies. Curse my inferior genetics, curse nature. Get up and take the first of 7 medications today.
2. Since I have to wait an hour to eat breakfast (medication bitterness) I check email and discover have made it through 1st round of application for new job (surprised, but not bitter). Then remember that only reason I am looking for work in this terrible economy is that I was laid off 6 mo ago. Palpable bitterness.
3. Get ready for day. Bitter that I have to take a shower at night during pollen season (to wash off pollen). Still take a.m. shower otherwise hair looks wackadoo. Super cleanliness bitterness.
4. Long list of errands today. Bitterness. Unemployment status has resulted in my living a more traditional wife role (not that I am or that husband wants that). Bitterness that my husbands skills are rewarded more by society than mine (money, prestige, etc). Then remember that errands would exist even while employed so feel self loathing bitterness.
5. first errand is appt at stomach doctor for check up. All clear (no bitterness). But had to wait half hour, time suck bitternes.
Okay so I had to stop writing on the original log because my mobile only allows so many characters for texts. (Technology bitterness). I did the rest via status updates:
Emmily has post office bitterness.
Emmily has old car which breaks a little more each day bitterness. 4:02pm
Emmily has road construction bitterness. 4:10pm
Emmily lost 12 lbs since New Year but wishes it was enough to feel good in swimsuit for Hawaii trip in two months. Body image + social beauty standards bitterness. 4:17pm
Emmily got a donut to ease bitterness. Lack of will power bitterness. 4:28pm
Emmily dropped off dry cleaning. Errands bitterness. 4:37pm
Emmily donating goods to dom violence shelter. DV bitterness. 4:40pm
Emmily is the dom violence shelter can really use baby stuff (diapers, clothes, etc). Extreme bitterness. 4:47pm
Emmily just got leg wax because am now allergic to moisture strips on razors. Bitterness at society’s expectation that women are hairless. 5:02pm
Emmily has traffic bitterness. 5:17pm
Emmily is at the grocery store. 5:31pm (Apparently I had no bitterness about that.)
Emmily is going to start training for the Race for the Cure 5K tonight. no bitterness. happiness. 5:59pm
Emmily is not in as good of shape as she thought, bitterness. 10:20 p.m.
And: Talked to Josh about Bitter Log, had bitterness that he lives in Portland and has cool public transit options, unlike Vegas. Jealous bitterness.
NOW PLEASE POST YOUR OWN BITTER LOG! WE WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE BITTER ABOUT! MORE TO COME!