I admit that I do not understand what the hell is happening on Wall Street, other than to know that this is all really bad. Does the $700 billion bailout help? From the looks of the stock market today, maybe not.

Here’s what I do know: According to Women’s Health magazine, for every 1 percent rise in unemployment lipstick sales increase by $25 million. From the look of things, perhaps lipstick sales are poised to save the economy.

Seriously, if someone out there can explain this mess to me, put something in the comments. I think we’re all looking for a little clarity (and a change of underpants) right about now.