As I navigate life as a pregnant woman (half-way through by the New Year), there’s been some friction between my feminist beliefs and the societal norms of “Mommy-to-Be” and my status as pregnant.

First of all, let’s get one thing clear: Hands off The Bump! My belly is NOT public property! Egads, people are ridiculously touchy-touchy when you are pregnant. Perfect strangers have come at me with the palm-to-belly approach! Even people in my daily life act like ninjas at times, stealthily creeping up on me and seemingly jumping out of the shadows to get a feel! Back off!

This has got me thinking about the communal and public expectations of pregnancy. How is it that my body is not my own during this time in my life? I have never witnessed men being groped because they are fathers-to-be. (Way to go! That’s a potent set of balls you have there!)

What is it about a pregnant woman’s body that makes her public property?

Is it that when a woman is pregnant, it amplifies the feminine? Any feminist knows that in a patriarchal construct, things that are perceived as overtly, bountifully feminine are the most subjugated. (An example of this is how gay men, perceived as “feminine” in a patriarchal society, are vilified for being less-than-male.)  So does this mean that the status of being pregnant makes me less powerful as a full-blooded, fully actualized person? If women are marginalized in a patriarchal society and pregnancy is the height of “female”, then I guess the result is an intensified marginalization. With the act of becoming pregnant, I move from subject to object.

But it is the women that I meet or see day-to-day who touch my bump the most. So maybe it is not patriarchy but something else (although those who are marginalized do the best at perpetuating the status-quo of marginalization, so it could still be patriarchy). It is the women who pat me down; ask me 50 questions (are you going to have a natural birth? will you breast feed? will you go back to work after? what names are you thinking of? …); regale me with labor horror stories; and generally make me feel a bit like I’ve been attacked (albeit, in a very warm, sisterly, smothered-in-downy-blankets kind of way).

Indeed, there is an inherent approval of the bump, especially by those who touch it. There is a sense that I have finally come into the fold. I’m moving with the approved flow of society now. After all, I’m a woman in her 30s, married for 12 years … what have I been waiting for? Or at least, that’s a sentiment held by some. And this is not just something that has happened to me, as any woman who has “waited a long time” can probably tell you. I’ve been asked the very question, “What have you been waiting for?” So this is not me supposing what someone else is thinking here. It’s something that people (not all, but a vocal group) do think.

So is the pat-down a societal nod of approval? “Well done, you’ve finally fulfilled your role as a female in society!” It’s really very annoying.

What I am trying to take away from the pat-downs is the positive side. (Meanwhile, I am also perfecting the swat-away.) People get happy when they see a pregnant woman. People feel excited at the potential represented by pregnancy. Just keep your hands to yourself, please.